Living With Uncertainty
Have you ever experienced that feeling when the universe knows what you need and unexpectedly delivers it? This happened to me today when I received a new newsletter from a wonderful fiction writer named Mary Carrol Moore. I always get so much value from Mary’s newsletter; this month didn’t disappoint.
When I saw the title of Mary's newsletter, "The Freedom of Unanswered Questions," I felt an immediate pull to read it. My life after Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is full of unanswered questions that feel more like a source of frustration than freedom. So, I had to find out what she had to say on the topic.
In her newsletter, Mary discusses how chaos can impact her fiction writing and art. She points out how chaos in our lives can limit our potential to think creatively and reach that "dreamy interior space" we need to generate new ideas. This stress can also make us feel more fearful of the unknown and cause us to shy away from trying new ideas or embracing life's unexpected twists and turns.
As I read Mary's thoughts on how this chaos impacts her fiction writing, I couldn't help but relate it to my struggles with trying to move on and write the next chapter of my life. The chaos and unpredictability of my chronic TBI symptoms make it hard for me to think creatively about my life. They make me feel like I can't dream big about my future because I am just trying to survive today. The chaos of my chronic symptoms also makes it very difficult for me to think of creative and nontraditional ways to adapt my life to my symptoms. I tend to get hyperfocused on making my symptoms disappear and forget about living the other amazing parts of my life.
I get trapped in the rut of thinking that I must be symptom-free before I can live my life again because I don’t know how to live a fulfilling life with this unpredictability!!
In her discussions, Mary describes being trapped in this rut as a "fear of wonder,” and she describes "wonder" as the ability to embrace the unknown and let it guide her, enjoying the surprises it brings along the way. I suddenly realized that my TBI experience has definitely left me with a “fear of wonder”! I want to try to control everything! I feel terrified of something like this happening again, so I try to control everything and try to make sure it doesn’t happen again! Mary points out that when we try to control everything in our lives, we become limited by what we think we know about ourselves rather than allowing our imagination to dream of what we can become!
So, what does Mary suggest we do?
Suggestion #1: Take Imperfect Action
Mary's advice for her writing and art is just to get started; in other words, take imperfect action. In our lives, taking imperfect action means making decisions and taking small steps forward, even if you're uncertain whether you're doing the right thing. It's important to be open to making mistakes and not aiming for perfection from the beginning because progress can only be made by starting somewhere. By taking action, we can acquire more information that will help us make better decisions in the future.
Suggestion #2: Get Comfortable With Unanswered Questions
Mary’s second suggestion is to practice “dwelling in the unknown” and the uncertainty of our lives by becoming more comfortable with unanswered questions. She suggests we start by writing down one or two questions we can’t answer now. In the context of our TBI life, these questions could start small, like “How can I practice self-care tomorrow?” and they can be as big as “Should I change my career to accommodate my symptoms better?”. Just do a brain dump and write down the questions taking up room in your brain without trying to answer them; let the answers come to you. Revisit your list daily and let yourself be surprised by the answers that come to you along your journey.
What’s Your Next Move?
Learning to live in wonderment and embracing the unknown is extremely challenging, especially when dealing with the uncertainties of a life-altering event like TBI. But if you're willing to take imperfect action and explore the unknown, you might just unlock your creative potential and discover new ways to adapt to your situation. Mary Carroll Moore's advice is an excellent reminder that it's okay not to have all the answers. It’s possible that we could find unique and surprising life paths just by taking small steps and venturing into the unknown. So why not give it a try? I know I am going to try! Who knows what futures are out there just waiting for us to discover?
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You can learn more about Mary Carroll Moore and subscribe to her newsletter here:
https://substack.com/@marycarrollmoore
http://www.marycarrollmoore.com/
